What I’m Thinking About, 3rd Edition

This is always good for a laugh. Or a cry, depending on your perspective. As the months go by, I write this stuff down and when I feel like I have enough to entertain you for a few minutes, I post them. I’m no Mark Twain or Ben Franklin, but hopefully I’m pithy enough to satisfy your low standards.

• Of course, if you have high standards, then I’m glad you’re here.
• Begging is for people who don’t have Plan Bs.
• Don’t post political stuff on social media sites and then claim we’re gonna “agree to disagree” when people challenge you. YOU’RE the one who posted it. YOU’RE the one who’s drawing the line in the sand. If you want to agree to disagree, then don’t post that shit.
• Modern Christianity is the result of a series of misunderstandings.
• I’m working on a poem called The Keanu Factor. Guess what it’s about.
• One does not speak of chubby in public.
• I’ve already expressed my disdain for speed traps. Well, tickets for rolling stops are even more bullshitty. If an intersection is sooo dangerous that rolling through the stop sign after looking all ways isn’t enough, then it ought to have a stop LIGHT there.
• New haiku: Two thousand and nine || So many icons have died ||Now we have Kanye
• I am always impressed by the tenacity of soap operas, rabies, and religion. Of course, Guiding Light is going off the air and there’s a vaccine for rabies….
• I say “I love you, but…” way too much.
• Playing devil’s advocate WILL make people stop and think twice about the generalizations they make. Do it too much, though, and they’ll stop and think twice about talking to you.
• There should be a standard for how much the tooth fairy gives. All it takes is ONE parent giving away $10 a tooth to ruin it for the rest of us.
• I find a certain irony in the fact that this guy who thinks it’s funny to make fun of my writing on Facebook is reading and enjoying The Lost Symbol.
• I probably would have killed Gollum first chance I got, which means that Gollum wouldn’t have been around to bite Frodo’s finger off at the end, which means Middle Earth would have likely fallen into a second darkness. So I, too, could have …been guilty of a “preemptive strike” that actually screwed everything up.
• Buzzed driving is NOT the same as drunk driving.
• Garth Brooks came out of retirement. I find it hard to believe that any true artist - one with a muse on his shoulder bugging him to CREATE - could ever really retire.