Friendships Lost to Politics (Suffering Broken Bones)

I wrote this several days ago, and I’m just now finding the room and time to post it. I still feel these sentiments, even weeks later.

I’m writing this at midnight on the Fourth of July, and I gotta say – this was one of the weirdest Fourths I’ve ever experienced. It wasn’t David Lynch weird, but… it was pretty fucked up.

Here’s why:

For years, as I’ve lived where I live in this suburb of Atlanta, I’ve had a number of local, neighborhood friends. Now, as they do when you live in a place a while and things and people are in flux as they are, some of my friends have gone away: I’ve lost touch with some because our children stopped going to the same school. Some have died. This is to say that I’ve lost friends due to circumstances bigger than us. Truth be told, though, I can’t honestly say that I care for those people less; though my memories of the times we’ve shared are fading, I miss them, and if they were here right now, I’m absolutely certain that we could and would share all the laughter and sadness, joy and dismay that friends share. It is simply circumstances beyond us that separate us – things beyond our control.

Recently, though, I seem to have lost two friends to circumstances which are, for want of a better word, infuriating. And it all boils down to politics. Now, I’m not gonna talk national politics - not in this post at least -  but let me say this: I have vigorously disagreed with friends whose national outlook differed from mine, I’ve avoided people who weren’t my friend because I knew they disagreed with me, and I’ve been frustrated to the point of almost screaming because some idiot friend of mine could not see reason regarding how insanely wrong he was with his political ideology.

But I’ve never actually stopped being someone’s friend because we disagreed on politics.

Likewise, on a smaller scale, I’ve never stopped being someone’s friend because we disagreed on local politics.

I had a friend, though, a genuinely great guy, who used to hang out with me and my gaming buddies and play our geeky board games with us. His children are roughly the same age as mine, and he and I would take “kid excursions” together – my daughter and his kid to the Renaissance Festival. Trips to Six Flags. Days at the park.

And then one day he pretty much said, “I don’t want to hang out anymore,” and acted awkwardly when his innocent child and my innocent child started talking together, oblivious as children can be to the sinister machinations of their adult counterparts.

I was bewildered. I wondered what I’d done.

Turns out, what I’d done was dare to be friends with a local political figure who didn’t fit with my other friend’s ideology. His wife is an outspoken opponent of my political friend, and so… no hanging out.

I had another friend who has worked in a professional service and repair industry for many, many years. Once upon a time in fact, I called him up to ask him to come help me with issues I was dealing with regarding his area of expertise. He came, he helped, I payed him a paltry sum – much less than I would have paid someone else to do the same thing.

Now, he and I have remained on speaking terms for a long time, despite the growing schism between whom he and his wife support in local politics and whom I support.

Recently, his wife has made inquiries into my professional relationship with my friend who is in local politics. As circumstances would have it, I did some work in a public relations capacity for my city a while back (we needed it), and my political friend saw an opportunity to ask a friend (me) to help him in my area of expertise. I came, I helped, and the city paid me a paltry sum – much less than they would have paid someone else to do the same thing. I did this because I love my friend and I want my city to be better.

Ironically, because I did work for the city at the request of her political enemy, there are inferences of nepotism.

So… how am I supposed to interact with my friend, her husband, next time I see him? Awkwardly, I would guess.

Okay – on to the weirdness of tonight.

In the midst of all this political chicanery, over which I have inadvertantly lost two friends, we had our Fourth of July throwdown in our city. There was a big street fair, a festival, and a block party, all leading up to the kickass fireworks climax.

During all the festivities, I managed to see both wives of my estranged friends, one of the friends himself (from a distance – I didn’t know how to approach him), and the other friend’s child, who probably would’ve liked to have come and played with my daughter. Seeing them made me feel a strange mix of anger, indignation, helplessness, and frustration.

Meanwhile, the son of my political friend was playing with my daughter, dashing around the crowds and having a grand old time.

And while they were playing, just before the fireworks began, the boy did something, and broke his arm. He came over to our little camp, where we were staked out to see the fireworks display, and complained that he’d hurt himself. His mom and dad were busy on the other side of the festival – I’d entrusted my daughter to them for several hours as the festival raged on, and in return, they entrusted their son to me and my family for the duration of the fireworks.

So… no one’s to blame for what the boy did to his arm, but when he came over complaining about it, I took one look at it and knew something was wrong – it was bowed in a way it should not have been bowed. So I took the boy and led him through the crowds to his parents, turned him over to them, and explained what happened. They immediately took him to the hospital. And they all missed the fireworks.

Now here I am, thinking about all the relationships between all these people. It’s in my nature and always has been to analyze situations after the fact, and I can’t help but be glad that I was there to make sure that boy got to the hospital. I’m glad to have been able to be that kind of friend. I value his parents’ friendships and wouldn’t give them up lightly.

But then again, I valued the friendships of my other two friends as well. Had it been their child who hurt himself or herself, I’d like to think that I would have responded the same, despite our differences - it was easy, it was my responsibility, and I care about them. Even now.

But would they do the same for me? They’ve tossed aside our friendship so easily, would it be as easy to simply toss aside the welfare of my children because it inconvenienced them or because they were mad at my politics?

And so I’m left with questions: Is basic humanity so easily disregarded in the face of difference? Apparently, friendship can be tossed aside, so who’s to say humanity can’t follow?